Napoleon Complex
by snooky-9093
Summary: For the SSSW challenge. A mission. A German General. A lovesick French Corporal. A devious female spy. And an insult...all add up to possible trouble for one of our heroes and his commander. 2020 PBA's: Silver, Short comedy; Bronze, short story speedwriting challenge; silver, quote;


_Napoleon Complex_

"I am the only one who can handle this mission, Colonel." LeBeau stood defiantly in front of Hogan, who was leaning up against his bunk, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"I have to hand it to him, sir. You want a Vichy general in disguise, he's the one," Kinch pointed out. "None of the other French prisoners have taken on anything like this."

"I don't understand why she couldn't just get the information and get it to us," Carter complained as he stared at the floor. "She's always trouble. You've said so yourself, sir."

"She must have her reasons," LeBeau replied.

Hogan nodded in acknowledgment, but he was still on the fence. "I don't know. She gets you alone in the inn, no telling what might happen."

"I'm not afraid of her."

"That's part of the problem. She has this…this…"

"Spell on him, sir."

"Thanks, Olsen. That's right. I can't imagine why, LeBeau. But for some reason only God knows…"

LeBeau sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "She's a perfect angel. At the cusp of womanhood; like a flower ready to bloom, exploding with color, grace, beauty…She's…."

"She's a menace. An untrustworthy, treacherous, conniving White Russian who would sell out her own grandmother."

"Tell us how you really feel, Colonel." Newkirk smirked and then lit a cigarette.

"I…" Stepping forward, Hogan went over to LeBeau, who was trying to hold in his temper. The colonel walked around the corporal several times and then stopped. He put his right hand on LeBeau's right shoulder. "I'm counting on you."

"I won't let you down, sir." LeBeau now looked at the ceiling and sighed. "Marya, I'm coming."

"Cor blimey." Newkirk stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on Hogan's desk. "C'mon, Louis. Let's get you suited up."

An hour later, LeBeau, dressed as a Vichy general, stood in the tunnel, ready to receive his final orders.

Kinch, followed by Hogan, climbed down the ladder. Hogan was dressed as a German corporal, assigned to drive LeBeau. Carter and Newkirk were putting the final touches on LeBeau's disguise, while Hogan handed LeBeau his papers. "Marya will introduce you to General Flieg. She'll provide a distraction while you get photos of the plans. You get out as soon as you get the pictures. "You will meet me in the lobby in one hour."

"Right, Colonel."

"All ready? Right, let's go."

"Good luck!" Carter shouted as Hogan and LeBeau headed for the tree stump.

"That's the smallest general I ever saw," Olsen commented once they were out of earshot.

"Better keep those thoughts to yourself, Olsen," Kinch warned. "LeBeau is sensitive."

_HhhhH_

"That's the smallest general I ever saw." The desk clerk in the hotel where the meeting was to take place, felt comfortable speaking to the lowly corporal standing in front of him.

"Keep those thoughts to yourself," Hogan said in a menacing whisper. "I'm Corporal Hein, the general's driver while he is in Germany. He's sensitive. No telling what he'll do. He's Vichy French," as if that explained everything. "General Bernard is expected." Hogan leaned forward, placing one elbow on the counter.

"Yes, I see that. Room 328. The elevator is over there." The clerk pointed.

"Danke. "General, this way."

As Hogan and LeBeau walked over to the elevator, they passed through the lobby. Hogan noticed there were about half a dozen aides seated around the fireplace. All were waiting for their superior officers, who were gathering for an important planning meeting. Marya was "familiar," as she called it, with one of the German generals and sold Hogan a plan. It would be simple, she said, to get photos of papers if he sent in LeBeau. No one would suspect a small Vichy general. And the German general, who was a known Francophile, may warm to LeBeau and divulge other information.

Hogan had his doubts, but London needed the plans. And here they were. And there LeBeau went.

LeBeau offered Hogan a reassuring smile. "I won't let you down, sir," he whispered as he entered the elevator.

"I can't hang around here and be recognized," Hogan reminded LeBeau. "I'll be back in an hour."

LeBeau's excitement rose. He exited on the third floor and headed down the hall to Marya's room. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

"Excuse me, darling. Wait there. This must be the general I told you about." Marya did not walk, she swept and glided. Reaching the door; she opened it. "Ah…my small one," she said quietly. "Come in." LeBeau followed her into the living area. She pointed towards the bedroom. "Darling, come meet General Bernard."

A short rotund man exited the bedroom and stopped in front of LeBeau. "General Bernard. I've heard a lot about you from this beautiful lady."

His eyes turned towards Marya. LeBeau bristled at the adoring gaze.

"Sir." LeBeau saluted. "I've heard much about you. I see you survived the Eastern Front. With honors." LeBeau shuddered inwardly. He despised complimenting any German.

"You are with the Vichy government and have a German background," Flieg stated.

"Yes." LeBeau was getting warm. "Do you mind if I sit, Fraulein?"

"Oh, please do. Why don't you two talk while I get something from the bedroom."

LeBeau looked at Marya, confused. He was supposed to get the photos of the plans. The plans were kept in a briefcase in the bedroom.

She mouthed the word _wait_ and disappeared.

"I must confess, General. I am fascinated by your country. So, tell me all about the South of France."

_hhhhH_

As soon as the doors of the elevator closed, Hogan walked back into the lobby and then left the hotel. There was no telling who might walk through the front doors, and he did not want to risk being recognized. Despite his uniform, mustache and flawless German, there was no need to take any chances. He entered the staff car, which he had parked across the street, and drove away. An aide did not stay away from their superior officers for too long, so he decided to return in 30 minutes, and if the coast was clear, remain in a quiet corner of the lobby until LeBeau reappeared.

After the half-hour was up, Hogan returned. To his relief, the same aides were as they left them. There was no one recognizable in the lobby, so feeling safe, Hogan made his way to the area near the elevators, took a seat and waited.

And waited.

The hour was up. Where was he? There was no sign of any trouble. He did not miss seeing him in the lobby.

After 30 more minutes passed, Hogan could wait no longer. He was very worried. Steadying himself, he took the stairs and headed towards Marya's suite. Tapping on the door with a prearranged knock, he stepped back as the door slowly opened several inches.

Marya's face appeared. "Hogan, darling," she whispered. "What a pleasant surprise. But…You look like you've just seen a ghost. What's wrong?"

"Who is it, my liebchen?"

"It's General Bernard's aide, my sweet."

Hogan rolled his eyes. "Where's LeBeau?" he hissed. He's 30 minutes overdue."

"Calm down, Corporal." Marya opened the door fully.

"Your general left in a huff." Flieg said. He did not bother standing up. The German general, seated comfortably on the sofa, looked worse for the wear. Hogan had an idea of what transpired after LeBeau left.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Hogan asked in as calm a voice as he could muster. He glared at Marya, who just smiled.

"We had a misunderstanding. Don't worry. It will blow over. General Flieg perhaps said something he should not have, even if he is the occupier and General Bernard is the occupied, or well, you understand."

Flieg huffed. "We were discussing southern French cuisine…I am quite the Francophile." Flieg hiccuped. It was clear he was not feeling any pain.

Hogan took in a deep breath. "You insulted French cooking, sir?"

"Oh, no. What he actually said was 'The French have always been great cooks, but terrible fighters.'" Marya nonchalantly went over to the sideboard and poured three drinks. "Cognac?"

Hogan was apoplectic. "No. Where is my general?"

"Oh, he left. I believe he was insulted."

"Can you show me which way he went." Hogan walked over to the sideboard. He decided to accept the drink and emptied the glass in one swig. "That is not a request."

"Very well. Excuse me, general." Marya winked. "I need to assist this poor corporal." She walked over to the door, which was still open, and entered the hall, Hogan following right beside her. Once out of earshot of Flieg, Hogan pinned her up against the wall. "You know being a prisoner of war is a very dangerous branch of the service. But when you're involved, the danger enters a whole new level. How could you let him leave?"

"Calm down, Hogan. First of all, he has the photos you wanted. And Flieg likes to talk. So my small one gathered some more intelligence." She bit her lip then tapped her teeth with a very long, painted fingernail. "LeBeau was quite insulted." She smiled. "I like a man who stands up for themselves and their country." A tiger growl came out of her mouth.

"Where did he go?"

"I'm not sure. Try the men's room on the mezzanine."

Hogan lifted his arm and was about to say something; then thought better of it. He stomped off towards the elevator and took it down to the mezzanine. The doors opened and there stood LeBeau, a chagrined look on his face.

Hogan shook his head and placed his fingers on his lips. There was no telling what was bugged. LeBeau understood and nodded his understanding. The two wordlessly rode the elevator down to the ground floor and both in character, quickly and quietly exited the building.

Once they were in the car, LeBeau spoke. "I got the photos, Colonel, and some other information. And I will accept whatever punishment you deem fit." He slouched down in the back seat.

Hogan, who was driving, kept his eyes on the road in front of him and remained silent.

"You warned me, Mon colonel. And I am sorry." LeBeau glanced out the window. "It was bad enough playing one of those traitorous collaborators, but when he insulted our fighting and bravery…"

"Not your cuisine as well?"

"Non. That would have been worse," LeBeau answered. He then smiled and began laughing. "I feel ridiculous."

Hogan couldn't help but smile. "Whenever she's involved…well, you know the history. And the men she hangs around with…" Hogan thought for a moment. Any punishment he gave LeBeau would be public and that would be humiliating. But, what the corporal did was unprofessional and inexcusable. And he and his men needed to count on one another to show up where told and on time.

"LeBeau. I'm sorry, but I can't let this slide."

"I know. And I am prepared to take my medicine."

"Good man." And Hogan then asked a simple question. A tactic used by many a cross father, or angry C.O. "What do you think is appropriate?"

"Well." LeBeau thought. "I have an idea…But Newkirk will ask for…Non, that would mean I would have to die first…But…all right, I will do it. I will make everyone's favorite meal, no matter how revolting and uncivilized it is. The entire barracks; not just the main team. It may take me months…but I will keep my word."

"You're a good man, LeBeau…You have a deal."

"Thank you, Mon colonel. As long as I don't have to eat what I cook!"

_The end_

_Hard to believe, but I think this is the first time I've ever written Marya. And the German general's last name is an homage to Johnny Haymer, _ ( Haymer Lionel Flieg)_who appeared as General Sharp (the short general from the quote) in the episode Kommandant Gertrude. I never did locate his height. He's also known for his role of Sgt Zale on MASH and many appearances on other shows._


End file.
